Flawed Theology

Until very recently, I thought there was something wrong with me.  Everyone around me seemed to happily accept the religion they were given with no questions asked.  If anyone besides me ever doubted, I never saw it. It is extremely isolating to be the only one among your family and church friends to question the reality with which we are presented. I thought the reason I couldn't accept Christianity was because of who I was as a person. I was too curious, too logical, too rebellious, too disobedient.  I often wished I had been born differently. Couldn't I have been given more of a pliable mind? What if I were just a tad more gullible? Maybe then I could be convinced that the Bible is true. That this invisible entity that I couldn't feel, touch, or hear is actually there. These feelings eventually turned into guilt.  I tearfully admitted to my best friend that I didn't have any faith, but I wished I had some.  I asked her why it was so easy for her, why was it s...

In case you didn’t read my first post about my journey into atheism, here is the gist. I had taken advantage of the time away from physical church during COVID to fully research religion and the Bible--the good, the bad, and the ugly. I came out the other side of it as an atheist. I hadn’t told anyone yet, not even my husband. But things were getting dicey at home. I was pulling away from him and lashing out. I loved him, of course, but I felt like he didn’t even know who I really was. If he found out, would he still love me? Would he want a divorce? One Sunday morning, he was watching virtual church and folding clothes. I told him I was going for a walk. As I made my way around the neighborhood, I listened to a podcast about the shaky evidence for Jesus’ resurrection. With each step I became more and more convinced that I had to tell my husband that day. I texted him, “When I get back, let’s talk.” When I returned, we went out on the deck to talk without the kids present. I s...

I just turned 37 and feel like I only recently discovered my own voice. I was raised Missouri-Synod Lutheran--the most conservative kind of Lutheran. My whole family is extremely dedicated to their faith. They go to church every week, volunteer for all sorts of things, read their Bibles regularly, etc. I have an uncle who is a pastor in the LCMS church, and four cousins who are all neatly-conforming Christians. One of them is now married to a pastor. My sister is also very devout, and although she converted to another denomination when she got married, she is probably even more dedicated to learning about God and loving Jesus than she was before. And then there’s me. As far back as I can remember, I had doubts, questions , and reservations. I tried asking my mom a question once about a logical conundrum I had thought up (I admit I didn’t phrase it well), and although she didn’t even understand what I was asking, she kept repeating “No, no, no, no!” In other words, Stop what you a...